Bailout Bull
By GMikeG | October 6, 2008
Now I’ve heard it all. $700 billion dollars of taxpayer’s hard earned money used to bailout the institutions that created the worst financial debacle since the great Depression. That’s in addition to an $85 billion agreement to bailout AIG, and $29 billion in support that the government pledged in the shotgun marriage of Bear Stearns and JPMorgan Chase. My reaction to the proposed rescue plan is “Stop the Insanity”.
We need to proceed with caution and with deeper regulation during this time of crisis. We do need to act quickly, but not rashly and certainly with oversight. Henry Paulson, who previously served as the CEO of Goldman Sachs, is asking for an unprecedented amount of money with little or no oversight. Many are asking that we do away with golden parachutes and salary caps for the executives that helped create this problem. The following list gives you an idea of how these people have been compensated for their performance:
Lehman Brothers Chairman and CEO Richard Fuld Jr. made $34 million in 2007. Lehman filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy protection earlier this month.
Bears Sterns former chairman Jimmy Cayne, who was rescued by a $29 billion Fed shotgun wedding to JPM, received $60 million when he was replaced.
American International Group chief executive Martin Sullivan got a $14 million compensation package in 2007. He was ousted in June. AIG received an $85 billion federal bailout.
Countrywide Financial’s founder & CEO Angelo Mozilo, which has been at the forefront of the subprime fiasco, cashed in $122 million in stock options in 2007; His total take is estimated at over $400 million dollars.
Merrill Lynch CEO Stanley Neal steered them into financial collapse before being taken over by Bank of America; he was given a $160 million package when he left his post last year.
Fannie Mae CEO Daniel Mudd received $11.6 million in 2007. His counterpart at Freddie Mac Richard Syron, brought in $18 million. The Federal government is taking over the mortgage backers with Herbert Allison to serve as Fannie CEO and David Moffett the new CEO at Freddie.
The FBI should investigate all the wrong doers that contributed to the crisis. That includes individuals who falsified mortgage applications so that they could qualify for loans which they could not afford as well as real estate agents, and mortgage companies. The FBI needs to thoroughly investigate institutions such as Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman Brothers Holdings, and American International and hold top executives accountable for their part in this crisis.
I question the strategy that Ben Bernanke and Henry Paulson have in mind to purchase questionable assets from troubled institutions. I realize that Bernanke and Paulson are trying to move quickly to stabilize the market, but haste makes waste. They have pleaded for maximum flexibility and minimum oversight for good reason, what they propose is inane. During a 5 hour Senate Banking Committee hearing they explained that they don’t plan on buying assets at market value, they propose to buy assets at a “hold-to-maturity” price. This strategy benefits the banks, not the taxpayers. What they propose will artificially inflate the market value of the riskiest securities, thereby prolonging the crisis and placing the risk directly on the taxpayer.
Why not learn from one of the nation’s most respected investors, Warren Buffet. Buffet has said “The government has a great opportunity. If they buy things at market prices with the government’s cheap funding, they should make a lot of money.” Buffet is investing $5 billion dollars in Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. When he was negotiating this deal do you think he offered to pay a “hold-to-maturity” price? Are you kidding? He’s buying “perpetual” preferred stocks that pay a 10% dividend. The payout is equal to $1.3 million dollars a day. He also has the right to purchase Goldman common stock at roughly 8% below market value. This purchase gives a needed boost to Goldman as well as Washington’s commitment to come up with a plan. But the plan Washington comes up with needs to protect the investors, which are the taxpayers, and allow them to pick up assets at a fair market value.
So, the average person, who chooses not to invest recklessly in exotic derivatives and is facing increasing fuel costs this year is being asked to bail out financial institutions that benefited from taking risks. I realize that the entire financial system is at risk and it can not be allowed to fail. A well thought out plan is needed, and soon. However, Congress had better remember that elections are coming up in November. Any rescue plan had better include oversight and conflict of interest policies and truly have the best interest of the taxpayer as its main goal.
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Mayhem at the Mall
By GMikeG | May 9, 2008
I hate to shop and I really, really hate to shop at the mall. For me a trip to the mall is a clear sign of desperation indicating that I had put off shopping for the item until the last minute. I try to resist the false societal pressures of buying presents for holiday’s conceived by some marketing genius. But in the end the pressure is insurmountable and I’m forced to acquiesce. One such holiday is Mother’s Day. Now I think that all children should make nice cards with crayons and macaroni designs glued to paper plates for their Mothers. But that’s it; it’s the love and the thought that counts. How did husbands get roped into springing for yet another present for their wife on Mother’s Day? I’ll tell you how, it was some Jewelry Store Marketing executive that started with these commercials, showing the perfect family and the loving husband and the cute children. They are gathered around a MILF of a mother and are opening the presents the kid’s made for Mom, you know the macaroni dish and the home made cards. Then, unexpectedly, Dad surprises Mom with a $1,000 dollar diamond necklace and she gives him a look that says yes, he’s her man and yes, you will be getting some tonight.
So I waited until the last minute to buy my wife a Mother’s Day present and I threw myself at the mercy of the mall. I had spotted a pair of earrings in a store circular that had been mailed to my home. They were originally priced at $400 dollars, on sale, just for Mother’s Day, to $150 dollars. Fist of all how would most children afford a $400 dollar piece of jewelry for Mother’s Day? They can’t even afford macaroni for the stupid plate design. Clearly this is indented to put pressure on us Dads but I had resigned myself to grab this bargain. I ran into the store and headed straight to the jewelry counter, unfortunately, it was mobbed. Apparently the regular jewelry person was on lunch break and no one seemed to be filling in for her. A swarm of customers were trying in vain to get the attention of anyone with a store badge on. I snagged a store supervisor who tried to walk by me and I asked for help. Immediately, three other customers came over to see if they could get waited on as well. She explained that this wasn’t her department but she would send someone over. Eventually a clerk did come, but she quickly scanned the glass case of jewelry and announced that they didn’t have the earrings that I was looking for. I asked “Can you look under the counter? It’s an advertised special and you should have them”.
After a cursory glance she said that they weren’t there either but if I wanted to wait until the regular clerk got back she was sure that she would be happy to assist me. The crowd was turning into a mob and I decided to see if another store had similar earrings.
I couldn’t find anything similar to the ones advertised and certainly nothing close in price. So hoping that the crowd had thinned and the regular clerk was back, I headed back to the original store. The crowd had thinned; I assumed from frustration. I asked the clerk if she would please call another store to locate a pair of earrings for me. She informed me that they didn’t provide that service on busy days but I could call the 800 number on the back of the flier. By this point I had had it and walked out to my car, mumbling to myself.
I called the number and waited the obligatory five minutes for the pleasure of speaking to a live representative. I told her my story and she proceeded to ask which item I was interested in ordering. I said “Hold it, I was told you would try to locate a store in the area that has a pair of earrings for me and you’re taking an order?”
She said she it was her job to take orders and it would cost $18 dollars for delivery and it would take ten to fourteen days to get the earrings. I explained I was directed to call this number for assistance and she said “That’s not right, I would complain to the store manager.”
I went back into the store and found the smiling man, walking around in the suit, with the badge that said “Store Manager”. He looked just like his picture in the foyer. He apologized for the inconvenience and assigned someone to assist me. You should have seen all the helpful clerks who appeared out of no where politely assisting customers in front of the manager.
The now attentive clerk printed out a listing of all the stores that had the earrings in stock. She said “Well it says we have a pair here but you can never trust this information when it is less than two items.”
I wasn’t surprised that they didn’t have any in stock because I had already been assured by three other clerks that they didn’t have them. What shocked me was the fact that they ran an ad and circulated it to untold thousands of households and had only stocked one pair of earrings. Everyone sucked into the store by the low priced come on would be forced to make another, more expensive selection. Can you say bait and switch? As we were discussing which store in the tri-state area I could go to next to try and find a pair of the advertised earrings I stopped in mid-sentence and stared in disbelief. The earrings in question were right there in the glass counter we were leaning on. She verified that they were the correct ones but informed me that I couldn’t get the sale price until tomorrow. I told her I was disappointed in the service I had received to this point and that I had 45 minutes invested in these earrings. I stared at her intently and said “If you think I’m leaving without these earrings I promise you I will start screaming and I won’t stop until Father’s Day”. In consideration for all I had been through, she kindly allowed me to purchase the earrings at the sales price and wished me a happy Mother’s Day. You have got to be freak’n kidding me!
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Cell Phone Rip Off or LDI my ass!
By GMikeG | April 2, 2008
You gotta love the Cell phone Companies. It’s not enough that we have some how acquiesced to paying hundreds of dollars a month for cell phone service. No they have to rip you off on the equipment as well. Average Cell phones cost hundreds of dollars and the top of the line models can cost $600 or $700 hundred. I was held hostage by my service provider when I upgraded my old phones for the “free” upgrade phones; the ransom, a 2 year contract that costs a $175 dollars to get out of.
So now I have these phones and of course they are starting to fail. Calling the service department at these companies is always an international smorgasbord. You may get a customer service representative from India or Jamaica “mon” or who knows where else from. But they all have been trained to trick you into admitting that the phone has sustained water damage and therefore voiding the warranty.
I was just forced to go through a “diagnostic” over the phone with one of these trained interrogators. This genius happened to be Jamaican which at first was amusing then quickly became maddening. I pictured him lighting up a huge spliff and winking at his friends as the interrogation began. He was trying to trick me into finding a Liquid Damage Indicator (LDI), when none was present. It felt like I was getting water boarded.
“Look carefully now mon, do you see a red dot anywhere.”
The space I’m inspecting is under the battery and is approximately 1 square inch. You don’t have to be Fucking Albert Einstein to thoroughly examine the space at a glance and determine that there is no red dot.
“No, no red dot.”
“Are you sure mon? It could be white; do you see a white dot mon?”
“No, no white dot.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to see mon; the plastic case can be white and makes it hard to see a white dot mon.”
“No white dot.”
“Sometimes its pink or orange, do you see an orange dot mon.”
Now I’m sure I hear him inhaling on his bong, but I’m still forced to play the game. I naively was unaware of this whole LDI scam and honestly thought that he was looking for some sort of diagnostic label.
“Let me check the specifications on your phone mon. I need to find out exactly where the red dot is located. Can you hold for 5 minutes mon?”
5 minutes, hmmm, plenty of time to roll another spliff.
“I’ll hold”.
10 minutes later
“Do you see 2 screws on the back of the phone mon?”
“Yes.”
“Do you see any dots there mon?”
After 20 more minutes of this inane conversation I actually felt like I was about to drown in stupidity. He agreed to check with his supervisor to see if he would allow me to send my phone in for a warranty repair.
Why should they waste ½ hour of my time trying to get me to admit I do or do not in fact see a dot? These idiots don’t get it. If I send the phone in and they see the red dot, then they charge me. If they don’t see it then their piece of crap phone needs to be repaired. And you don’t even get a new phone; you get a refurbished piece of shit that someone else returned. And there is no extension on the warranty, so you’re stuck for the rest of your contract with a defective phone.
So caveat emptor. Do not ever, ever admit that you see any color dot on your cell phone when you are forced to participate in the telephone diagnostic I fondly refer to as “How fucking stupid do you think I am, mon“?
Just for your edification, here is what a red dot would look like if the LDI was exposed to water. Think you could find it without looking at the specifications?
Topics: General Rage | 1 Comment »
Biography
By CubePirates | February 29, 2008
While creating a proposal for a small client, I asked one of my business partners to provide a biography. I received the following…
Him: He is known for being shady, sly and cunning, and will find a way to take your money and make you feel good about it
Him: with 12 years experience as a scumbag
Him: including a history of money laundering
Him: he brings with him the confidence that he will make you his bitch
After yelling at him to give me a real bio, I received this…
Him: He has no actual training or formal education in marketing at all. Working for the ghetto company he does, he was able to wiggle his way into getting his own office and a position as director of marketing through intimidation and veiled allegories that seemed to confuse, if not threaten his high school educated, mafioso bosses.
Him: His degree is actually in recording engineering with has nothing to do with marketing
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Attack of the Killer Snow Plow
By GMikeG | December 20, 2007
What are you, Freak’n kidding me!
It was me or the Plow, one of us was going down. I could tell by the sleep deprived glaze in the plow driver’s eyes that he was intent on burying me alive in a ten foot wave of snow. As with all life or death situations time slows down. It became crystal clear to me the instant before I was to be buried alive that I needed to escape the attack of the behemoth, Killer Snow Plow.
I was pushing my brand new craftsman snow plow up the side walk, proudly clearing the way when I heard the unmistakable rumble of the death dealer, the towns largest, most fearsome snow plow. I looked up in time to see a wave of snow ten feet high, a veritable tsunami, heading my way. I jumped back from my snow blower realizing that my miniscule 7.5 HP Techumsa powered snow blower with the sweet joy stick controller for the exit chute was no match for the Killer Snow Plow. I was pined between the stone wall going up my walk way and the mail box. I had no where to go but up. I was forced to abandon my brand new blower and jump over the wall. I was shaken. The adrenaline still pumped through my veins as the killer plow passed by. I could clearly see the overpaid, drunkard of a town employee with the sleep deprived gaze laughing hysterically, maniacally. His accomplice, Igor, was in the passenger seat yelling something unintelligible from behind his window and shaking his fist at me.
As the death dealer rumbled down the road I jumped into the middle of the street swearing like a sailor, shaking my fist back at Igor, but to no avail.
I called the Street Department to complain but the supervisor could not stop laughing. I heard him call to someone in the back ground “Looks like Igor got another one, he’s in the lead now!”
That wasn’t very satisfying so I called the police. Three hours later, they sent two officers in an SUV that they had confiscated from some drug dealer pimp. After I described the situation the officer summarized the situation for me as he saw it,
“So let me get this straight, you were blowing your snow out onto the town street and then you threatened and verbally assaulted a town employee as he attempted to make our streets safe for women and children?”
I quietly said never mind and made an on the spot contribution to the Policemen’s Benevolent Society, I also thanked them for their quick response.
But this is not the end of it. I plan on writing a blistering letter to the Mayor’s office and ask for quick and immediate action. More to follow.
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‘Tis the Season
By The Dude | December 12, 2007
Cube Pirate: did i tell you about the christmas tree here?
The Dude: nope
The Dude: is it covered in flair?
Cube Pirate: ugh, the girls in my dept. bought a 2 ft christmas tree and put it on top of one of the filing cabinets
Cube Pirate: and i refused to make an ornament, so one of them printed out a picture of me dressed up as elvis, cut it out, and put it on the tree
The Dude: hahahahahaah
The Dude: that is not right Michael
Cube Pirate: people keep walking by asking “whos’ that”
Cube Pirate: bah
Cube Pirate: then when they tell them they start cracking up
Cube Pirate: hate.
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BAM, Jersey.
By CubePirates | December 6, 2007
The Dude has feared being sent to Jersey to support another division of his employer for months now, and it appears it is finally happening. Jersey. For a week. Ugh.
The Dude: Im working 11 hour days to get done in time for next week
The Dude: and suddenly the technical director for the entire program comes in and says “I need to ask you something…”
Cube Pirate: uh oh
The Dude: asodfjasiodfjaso;dfijasd
The Dude: just when you think the week can’t get worse
The Dude: BAM, Jersey
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Back to reality.
By The Dude | December 5, 2007
Cube Pirate on his recent return from a cruise:
Cube Pirate: staaaaarving
Cube Pirate: damn 24/7 food access
Cube Pirate: one night i had double escargot, a fillet mignion, and duck
Cube Pirate: with a caesar salad inbetween
Cube Pirate: and a brownie sunday and irish coffee after
The Dude: what did you have last night
Cube Pirate: doritos and a can of tuna
The Dude: hahahahahaha
Cube Pirate: hate.
The Dude: welcome home
Stay tuned as he continues to settle back into the comfortable repetitive rut that is his life.
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Poly-what?
By CubePirates | November 20, 2007
This is what happens when you spend 16 of the last 25 hours in a cube coding:
CubePirate: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5306638.html
TheDude: when I first read that link I thought the word polymorphism was in it
TheDude: I’m loosing it
CubePirate: i don’t remember what that word means
CubePirate: it’s either from CS or that Religions class
TheDude: os;djfao;sifj;osdifja;osdifjso;difj
TheDude: haha I think its from both
TheDude: no thats polytheism
CubePirate: damnit, laughing in the cube
TheDude: unless your god is extensible
TheDude: I guess if Catholics believe that Jesus is descended from god, but they are one in the same
TheDude: that’s like a nested class that extends the superclass
TheDude: recursive God FTW!1!1
Topics: Cube Stories | 2 Comments »
Mission Accomplished
By CubePirates | October 31, 2007
I declare the end of combat operations with the night cleaners. My garbage can has now remained where I left it for over 2 weeks.
For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, please read: Freedom of Choice
Topics: Cube Stories | No Comments »
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