Cable Guy
By CubePirates | August 28, 2007
Are there any other industries where “Between 11-2pm” actually means 4:30pm, with a return trip at 6:30pm to fix a previous mistake?
Topics: General Rage | 1 Comment »
Free Lunch Redux
By GMikeG | August 23, 2007
Okay, you may have read about my transgression yesterday and stealing a free lunch from the man. Now the man has taken the insult one step further, he has posted a sign stating “Lunch for meeting participants only”. I say, sign, sign everywhere a sign. What gives you the right to exclude your colleagues from “gain” sharing with the rest of the elitists? For back ground on yesterday’s free lunch debacle visit www.gmikg.com.
As far as the new developments, it’s called reaction management, Cube Pirate. Typical over reaction to an ill conceived poorly executed plan. Instead of taunting the rest of us cube rats with the aroma of your catered lunch all day, have it served in your conference room, don’t leave it in the main isle until it rots into a pile of inedible rubbish. What are we supposed to do, cower in our cubes nibbling on pieces of cheese we found in the cube maze and hope for a scrap at the end of the day? That’s in your face gluttony and superiority; “We’re having an important working lunch meeting and you’re not important enough to be invited!” Here’s another idea, when your “working” lunch is over, put the left over’s in the café, before it rots, so the rest of us slobs can concentrate on real work. Tetras anyone?
Topics: Office Space | No Comments »
The De-evolution of Man
By GMikeG | August 21, 2007
I have proof that living in a cube world is not natural progression in the evolution of man. It is actually a “de-evolutionary” step for mankind. We have become highly educated professionals. Our reward for going to college is supposed to be a cushy office job; one where others are not trying to eat you for dinner. Well not only do you have to fight for a better cube you have to steal all the tools to do your job. It’s called night time appropriations. You know what I’m talking about. You nee a better chair, a stapler that doesn’t jam, what ever, you wait until the man goes home. Tell everyone your working overtime on the new TPS reports. When the last rat leaves the ship, you go office shopping. We have gone back to our roots, like our ancestors we have become hunters and gatherers. You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me.
You have to hunt for food in cube land. I’ve heard rumors that people are invited to all day meetings with “working” lunches by bosses who the nerve to entice them with a free lunch, as if a cheap lunch is worth more than our valuable time on this earth. What’s worse than a working lunch? Stealing the food from the meeting, without attending!
See http://www.gmikeg.com/ for details………..
Topics: Office Space | 1 Comment »
A/C Fiasco
By CubePirates | August 16, 2007
I visited my friend Brad’s new 4th floor apartment last weekend. When I got there he was disgruntled due to the fact that he lugged an 11,000btu A/C up there only to find out that I didn’t fit in the wall cut-out. I proceeded to laugh at him, and enjoy his misery.
A few days later, I decided that I needed to get my own air conditioner for my new apartment that I will be moving into. Remembering what happened to Brad, I carefully measured several windows to ensure that the A/C would fit perfectly. Home Depot had a 24,000btu monster for only a few dollars more than the 12,000btu one I was originally looking at, so I quickly looked at the measurements and saw that it would fit.
The huge air conditioner weighs about 250lbs and it was no small feat getting it to the 2nd floor with the help of my girlfriend. The installation guide was about 30 pages long, and it took a few hours to get it installed in the window in the intense heat of the uncooled apartment.
Once I had it installed I was ready for some 24,000btu cooling action so I grabbed the plug, reached over to plug it in and noticed that something was wrong… I looked closely at the plug and realized that the air conditioner required a 230 volt outlet.
It’s been a few days since this happened, and I’m finally calm enough to talk about it. I now have the exact same A/C that Brad returned installed in my window, and while it’s no 24,000btu monster, it cools the apartment nicely.
Topics: Cube Pirates Classics, General Rage | 4 Comments »
Salt in the wound
By The Dude | August 15, 2007
Just when I thought it was bad enough being in my windowless cubicle on a gorgeous late summer day, a buddy/soon-to-be-roommate IMs me:
Bob oh sure
Bob called out sick
Bob goin to the beach
Me you bastard
Me didnt you already have Monday off?
Bob yeah
Bob i’m “sick” today
Bob i had to i went in yesterday and wanted to kill myself
Bob erik called out too
Me haha oh man
Bob we’re gettin drunk and goin to the beach
Me we should all do that once we get the house, save some sick days
Bob i have plenty ive only called out 3 times since ive been there
Bob well i prob wont call out next month i don’t wanna push it too much
Bob moderation guy
Bob moderation
Me oh come on
Bob aight i got to go…gotta pay some bills before i get blasted
Bob later
Topics: General Rage | No Comments »
Here’s one for the CubePirates chronicles.
By GMikeG | August 15, 2007
Here’s one for the Cube Pirates chronicles. I’ve been in my new office with the deluxe window view of cube hallway for less than one week. Already The Man has devised a way to get me back into a cube. I’ve never had a day’s trouble with my computer, until yesterday. It was crunch time on the TPS reports; I was under pressure to redo the coversheet and my hard drive crashed. I called the help desk and waited over half an hour for the next available techie and no one picked up. So I left a voice message and went to TGIF for a cup of coffee.
Guess what, they couldn’t fix and are ordering me a new drive. Temporarily they’ve moved me to another cube to work on someone else’s computer.
And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Dan too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…
Topics: Cube Stories | No Comments »
Serenity now
By The Dude | August 14, 2007
The other day I woke up around 4:30 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I finally just got up to face the cubicle. I figured at least I would be able to leave in time to get an oil change, which I had to do anyway before a road trip this weekend. I called a few places from my cube until I finally came across a place nearby that didn’t require an appointment. I don’t want to name this place specifically, so let’s just call it “PMITA Automotive.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: General Rage | 1 Comment »
A True Cube Pirate
By MattyB | August 13, 2007
These speakers and subwoofer were legitimately taken from another cube by my friend Fives. Notice the shameless plug on the monitor as well. Nicely done if I must say so.
Topics: Cube Stories | No Comments »
I had an idea like that once…
By CubePirates | August 11, 2007
Topics: Office Space | No Comments »
Is this good for the company…
By MattyB | August 10, 2007
Now, I don’t exactly have a cube but it might as well be. So about a week ago we had a company meeting in which one of my co-workers was giving a presentation about improving the “positivity” in the workplace. Now, keep in mind he’s 22 and a complete turd. So he’s going on and on about how we all need to be more positive and smiling for the customers and blah blah blah. He even had a nice giant paper easel in which he used magic markers to create the “slides”, for lack of a better term. Hey why not bust out the f-ing crayons and some coloring books. Christ nothing is less professional than magic marker, with uneven spacing, on giant pads of paper. About halfway through I start laughing because all I can think is, “Is this good for the company”. The best part about it was everyone loved it. I sat there in complete shock that these morons really liked. Nothing would have made me happier than having a feces throwing monkey take over that presentation.
Someone kill me please.
Topics: Cube Stories | 2 Comments »
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